Truth can be dreams: July 2004

Saturday, July 31, 2004

call me stupid

i said something stupid the other day. Just plain dumb. Actually it was more like i just miss represented myself and the way I feel about something. I can't explain why......it just happened.

The really crappy thing is I did this in front of people who don't know me. So they can't just know that I totally don't think like that or feel that way. I need to make this right. That is my goal this weekend. I hope I can be brave enough to tackle this.

It's funny because I finally was brave enough to open myself up to new people and this happens. Exactly what I have been afraid of. I suppose part of the lesson in this is that it won't kill me. If I am smart about it , it can make me wiser.

It will be a major hurtle for me to jump over in my life if I can get through my fears of ....... myself. I don't totally trust myself around people. Say something stupid, act like an idiot, and people can write you off. I suppose I feel that way because that is what I have done with people in my life many times. Reap what you sew....... darn it.


hayes at 10:04 p.m.
1 comments

Tuesday, July 27, 2004

Up date

My in laws were just in town. They are incredible! They are such an inspiration to me. They work hard, love Jesus, bless people all the time and they are so humble. I just find them so real and refreshing.

They really blessed us with there love and generosity. They got us a bunch of new furniture. It was kind of like a mini extreme home makeover. God is so cool. We've been through ruff times which make these blessings so AMAZING! We are still in awe.

My job at the YMCA is going good. I still think its awesome that I can bring my kids to work with me. I'm trying to decide if I should go back to my toy store job on an occasional basis. I don't know of they even need me. I'm just trying to figure out what would be best in this situation......I love that job but will it makes thing better if I work there or worse. Anyway .... I'm tired. That's my quick up date.


hayes at 9:01 p.m.
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Monday, July 19, 2004

Well geesh it's been quite awhile since I wrote something. Life has been good. We've had quite a few struggles these past few weeks butI have actually enjoyed it. Sometimes being faced with ruff times feels good for some reason. It's a challenge, and learning experience.

Ryan has had tons of fun being a 'featured' extra in a film this past week.  I have started a new job at the downtown YMCA. I babysit monday to thursday 6-8pm. It's great because I can bring my kids!!! How awesome is that! Although it's defiantly NOT my dream job it is a blessing! Thanks to Jon for hookin me up!

I have a doctors appointment coming up again (with a new doctor). Also a big test in a few weeks. I still feel the same. I went to see a dental specialist a week ago about a rootcanal that I had last year that still hurts. He thinks I have a chronic sinus infection. That would at least account for my nausea. Anyway just a quick little up dated on my life.


hayes at 2:56 p.m.
3 comments

Wednesday, July 07, 2004

Jesus is WICKED! (I mean that in a good way...of course)

Hey...we are in our new place! It's amazing! We are so blessed it's seriously hard to believe.

Our car was broken for a whole week so we have been taking the bus and walking a lot (my legs are killing me). It's been hard but also a fun adventure. Today we literally scraped just enough cash together to pay for the repairs YIPPIE!

Here is a poem I started writing over a year ago and just completed this week. I totally dig it....

Don't touch my sleeve.
Don't touch my heart.
You're not allowed,
in that precious part.

So go, get lost.
It's not hard to do.
You just have to be,
a BIG loser like you.

Look at you now.
You're so dam real.
It's just too bad,
you can not feel.

I let you inside.
You cramped my style.
Never AGAIN........
Well, at least not for a while.

I actually can't remember who I wrote that about. It could be any number of people.......geesh that's kinda depressing....

hayes at 9:30 p.m.
3 comments