twisted

I used to know exactly what I wanted to be when I grew up. A police officer or a dancer. I always keep the dancer part a secret because I never thought in a million years I would ever do anything with dance. Well those dreams have come to pass and I am truly blessed. But I am at a strange place in my life. With Ryan almost done school we now have a whole world open to us. Literally. We want to travel, see the world, meet people and build strong friendships every where we go. The questions we are asking our selfs are where do we want to go and what do we want to do there.

I have some secrets. I have been filled with a ton of inspiration for art pieces. Paintings, films, and performance art. There are so many things in me that just need to bust out. I want so badly to make these things happen but I am at a place much like when I was about 12 or 13 and I never told anyone how badly I wanted to dance. I really really want to paint and speak to the world but I can't afford the materials, it feels like it will never happen. I want to make short films but I don't even have a regular camera that works. Where the heck am I going to get a video camera??? I want to organize large performance art pieces but what if no one will follow me? I have the choice to press on forward with these desires and trust God will open the doors and make things happen. I think I am just a little discouraged because I look at those who are very successful in these areas and I don't think any of them had an easy time getting there. So I ask myself how much do I want to sacrifice to achieve these goals. Is this really what I want to pursue? It would be much easier to just fall into a life of work, money and shopping but I think that would crush me. Life can be so complicated sometimes.