Sleep where have you gone? I am having such a hard time sleeping these days. My jaw is tight (which means I am stressed), I am grinding my teeth alot, and all I seem to dream about is having the baby on the outside of me! Im sick of being over emotional, not being about to wear my clothes (just the same two pairs of pants day in and day out). AHHHHHHHHH

My passion for worship and dance is bustin to get out. I have visions and dreams, but the time is just not right. Im too huge and uncomfortable to do anything right now. Even if I wanted to teach others some stuff right now I couldn't. My paitence is gone most days.

I've been thinking alot about who I am. About MY dreams and goals. About who I am as a parent and wife. My mother and father taught me some great stuff about being a parent. But they also taught me some crap stuff too. I used to think it was so great that my mother and father sacrificed so much for us and that they basically lay down there own lifes in so many ways just for us kids. Now I look back and see how terrible that was. They lost there relationship with each other and with God, they missed out on so much for no reason, they let there dreams go, and also they taught us to expect others in our lifes to always sacrifice for us. Which is where some of my bratt behaviour comes from I am sure. Don't hear me wrong I totally am not blaming them for anything. I am just saying that I have learned not to lose myself in the process of having a family. I will still push toward my dreams. The Lord has given me visions and desires and I intend to do my best to see those come to pass. It is not fair to the children nor my husband nor myself nor my God to become a complete slave to my family. I do not have to meet all of there needs. God will take care of that. In saying all this is must also include how difficult this will be for me. It is more natural for me to just give give give until I am empty. It's been a battle in my own mind to know that I am an important person too. I will strive to be an excellent mother and wife and be a servant to my family as they will also be servants to me and each other. I don't want a family where the mother (or father for that matter) is the glue holding everything together. I know of so many families like that. Where everyone depends on one person too much and puts way too much pressure on them. Which in short crushes that person. I will not crush anyone nor be crushed myself. Lord pour into me great WISDOM....................

HOLY SMOKES! It's been awhile. If anyone even comes to this site anymore they will be surprised to see that I am blogging again. Our motherboard on our computer blew and we just got it all fixed up. Actually our computer is much better now! Except the fact that RYAN got a virus yesterday............. Why he downloads stuff off the net I will never understand.

Anyway, everything is going very well. I am getting much bigger (only about 7 weeks left now). Asusual I want this baby out of me RIGHT NOW but I have come to terms with the fact that I just have to wait. My in-laws where down recently and the time we spent with them was great! They always bless us so much with there presence. They are a totally normal down to earth God fearing couple. It's nice to have that in the family. Speaking of family, we are trying to make plans to have someone come to Winnipeg when the baby is born. This is totally one of those times when not having family in town SUCKS! My mother was going to come but she has just found out that she has some major health problems and I just don't think it would be wise to have her come here. Not until they know exactly what is wrong with her. To tell the truth she was basically our only option. Although Ryan's mom will gladly come, it is hard for her to get here quickly...ahhhhhhhhhh

I am stoping work in a few weeks and I can't wait. My feet and legs really suffer when I have to stand on them for even a short 4 hour shift. besides I am looking forward to getting ready for the baby.

I am a little nervous about the baby's health...... I can't remember being this nervous about Silver but it is just something I need to think about a little. Like if the baby is very sick, with any number of things..... I know this is rediculious but I just have moments where I totally get freaked out and then I realise that GOD is totally in control and I totally believe that he doesn't give us anything we can't handle. It's all in his hands, and thank goodness.

Well hello. So I tried to blog this morning and my computer shut down before I could post it. So now feeling a little frustrated and anxious (because I never know when my computer will deside to shut down) this will most likely not be the most exciting blog.

So my family was down for the weekend and Ryan and I are still not quite over it.All of my pregnancy hormones were in full force... I was very easily upset and annoyed. But hey what else is new. My attitude sucks......I just can't seem to enjoy much about being pregnant. I do try, but all I dream about is when this is all over. When I have my brain back, my normal clothes, i can sleep anyway I want and I don't have to get up 2 or 3 times a night to pee. I just feel so out of wack. I hate to sound like I am complaining too much. I love that we can and are having babies. I love the fact that we get to have this baby. But to be honest pregnancy is not my thing......Lord give me patience......give Ryan patience.....we need it....