Sleep where have you gone? I am having such a hard time sleeping these days. My jaw is tight (which means I am stressed), I am grinding my teeth alot, and all I seem to dream about is having the baby on the outside of me! Im sick of being over emotional, not being about to wear my clothes (just the same two pairs of pants day in and day out). AHHHHHHHHH

My passion for worship and dance is bustin to get out. I have visions and dreams, but the time is just not right. Im too huge and uncomfortable to do anything right now. Even if I wanted to teach others some stuff right now I couldn't. My paitence is gone most days.

I've been thinking alot about who I am. About MY dreams and goals. About who I am as a parent and wife. My mother and father taught me some great stuff about being a parent. But they also taught me some crap stuff too. I used to think it was so great that my mother and father sacrificed so much for us and that they basically lay down there own lifes in so many ways just for us kids. Now I look back and see how terrible that was. They lost there relationship with each other and with God, they missed out on so much for no reason, they let there dreams go, and also they taught us to expect others in our lifes to always sacrifice for us. Which is where some of my bratt behaviour comes from I am sure. Don't hear me wrong I totally am not blaming them for anything. I am just saying that I have learned not to lose myself in the process of having a family. I will still push toward my dreams. The Lord has given me visions and desires and I intend to do my best to see those come to pass. It is not fair to the children nor my husband nor myself nor my God to become a complete slave to my family. I do not have to meet all of there needs. God will take care of that. In saying all this is must also include how difficult this will be for me. It is more natural for me to just give give give until I am empty. It's been a battle in my own mind to know that I am an important person too. I will strive to be an excellent mother and wife and be a servant to my family as they will also be servants to me and each other. I don't want a family where the mother (or father for that matter) is the glue holding everything together. I know of so many families like that. Where everyone depends on one person too much and puts way too much pressure on them. Which in short crushes that person. I will not crush anyone nor be crushed myself. Lord pour into me great WISDOM....................