Yesterday I watched my best friend die.
It was horrible.

So much pain.....extreme suffering.I felt like I was dyeing too, at least I wanted to. I wished that I could take the pain. But how could I when it was being taken for me.

So many times I wanted to shut my eyes tight, I wanted to run. I almost screamed. I held my breath, and only breathed when it was necessary to keep me alive.

I forced myself to watch. It was all because of me, FOR me. Oh God..........LORD. I can't stand it, I can't stand it. It's so intense.

When it was all over I found it a little hard to stand. Over the next 24 hours it all slowly sunk in, it's still sinking in. I've had a strange feeling in my core, almost like butterflies, but different.

How do I compute all of this. Things I have known for years, a friend who changed my life many years ago but I'm starting to feel like I never really got how amazing it all is.
How AMAZING he is.

Words are so inadequate right now. I must express this feeling. I've got to get it out. I am so honored and humbled.
I have a greater understanding of him. A greater love and respect. And a greater understanding of myself.

Funny...............with all the understanding, comes a GREATER sense of MYSTERY.