CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP! Our car has been dead now for two days. It won't start and we need a boost. Carlie is helping us with that...thankgoodness.

My sister is coming this weekend (her and her family). We are babysitting her two boys (4 and 3), while they go to a marriage seminar and stay at a hotel. Silver will enjoy the company.

It is now hours and hours since I began this blog....our car is now running! YIPPIE Thanks to Carlie and her connections. We are just hopping that it starts in the morning. Tonight is suppose to be really cold again.

I have a doctors appointment tomorrow. I haven't been to a regular doctors appointment for years and years. But I just feel I need to go. In some ways I haven't felt totally normal. A few weeks ago I felt like I had a bladder infection but it turned out to be nothing....Or at least nothing they could find. Anyway I just need some tests done to rule out any major health problems. Pray for me. Thanks

Geesh it's been tough to get on line lately. I just haven't been able to find any time to blog this week! I did it! I finally joined a class. I'm taking 'mommyrobics'. It's great. I take Trinity with me and do some exercises with her. The class is actually much harder than I expected. But that makes me happy, it's a great work out. When I have completed this class (in march), I should be ready to join a dance class. Silver and Ryan are taking a beginners swimming class. I wasn't there to see Silvers first class but I'm going to go watch this week. The class is for six months and up, so when Trinity turns 6 months we will join them in the class. That should be a blast.

Ryan has the next two weekends off (at least I think he has this weekend off)!!!! Which means church in the morning! Well I don't have much time so that's all for now.

Well here I am. Another night where Ryan is working. Silver is passed out in the living room. Trinity has decided she is not going to sleep. And here I am tired, sore neck and shoulders. Wow it's only 8:30.

So I have been stirred latley. I have been feeling a need to express....'express what', you ask? Well Im not sure. Just anything, everything. The funny thing is I don't feel like expressing myself in 'just' dance, I have a deep desire to learn something new and begin a journey perfecting it. Something like watercolour painting, song writting, voice, short story writting. I desire to do these things like you wouldn't believe. But there is this constant little tiny voice in me that says "don't try. What if you fail." Yes that's me folks, little Miss fear of failure. I never graduated high school (too much drinking, and drugs.... well that and I never had anyone who really cared if I graduated. No incouragement. But that is all another story.)

Alright I started writting this blog about 2 hours ago. I've had two crying children who won't sleep. I have no idea what I was even writting about. Maybe I'll be able to actually start and finnish a thought in my next blog.

Life is changing for the better in many ways these days. Ryan is taking less class, and only working one job. We actually got to hang out together one night... it was great (even though I fell asleep during the movie). I feel like there is more to look forward to. Like I can actually work on things for myself. Explore art, exercise WHATEVER!

it is now about 14 hours since I started writting this blog. I got to tired last night and went to bed. Now I think we are going out for breakfast. So good bye

Money, money, money, mmmmoney....mmmmmoneyyyyy! Yet again that is what God has been talking to us about. Well not JUST money , but it's been one of the main subjects. You see Ryan's entire family (including his younger single brother) all make quite a lot of money. None of them have had to go through school and deal with the hard times of being a student with kids. They don't really understand our lives and the fact that we have very little cash. And we on the other hand don't understand their lives, and what it feels like to not have to think about whether or not you have enough money to buy milk. Anyway long story short we felt very out of place on our trip. Don't get me wrong they didn't do anything to make us feel "poor", it was just painfully obvious at times that we are broke. The first two days it was really hard not to feel stupid and in some way "less" than everyone else. But God soon snapped us out of it, we knew we were being brat's. Feeling sorry for our selves. How sick! Look how much we are blessed! Two awesome children, healthy and smart. A warm place to sleep, and we haven't starved to death yet. God is amazing. I feel so honored that he would make a point of teaching us that cash is really nothing. He will give us what we need and at times much more! So our trip was a great learning experience an emotional roller coaster, and like I mentioned in my last post,much too long.

So here we are back at home and glad to be. Family trips are a great thing, but there should be a law that any family trip should be no more than 5 days in length. That's just the way I see it.I love my family and Ryans but spending more time (with either of them) for more than 5 days is too long. I think Im just so used to being on my own with no family around that I forget how to communicate with them. I don't know. Anyway our trip was really great though!

Trinity and I are sick. I've been feeling crappy since Bermuda and it's only getting worse. My throat is sore, My nose is stuffed up, my body aches, I have a sty (is that how it is spelled?) in my eye, and for some reason my bladder is sore. I know that sounds crazy. And poor Trinity has it too. But through it all she is still smiling and happy.

God really talked to us alot while we where away. Im not going to get into it now , but perhaps in a few days when I feel better. Happy New Year eveyone!