God understands.....he understands completely. That means so much to me right now. What on earth would I do without Jesus? Geesh who knows. What an amazing thing it is to experience Jesus..... to experience his suffering is incredible. As far as I know that is the part of God that we will NOT experience in Heaven. I will take advantage of these times of suffering and pain and hopefully respect them as precious gifts from God. Makes me stronger , not weaker. My favorite name for Jesus is THE DOOR. It is totally awesome to me. One of the images I get is this.......if you are stuck in a room with only walls and no door what do you have? You will only ever experience that place that you are stuck in. Even if there is no roof and you can see the blue sky, catch the scent of fresh flowers, and hear the birds you still can't fully experience what it is like to be surounded by those things, to be fully engolfed by those things (Unless you have wings). Without a door to the outside (or whatever is on the other side of your walls) you will miss it. I need Jesus to be my door, the door to wisdom, strength, suffering, blessing and mystery. Jesus is the DOOR, I just hope I have the wisdom to open it.