Church

Went to church today....twice. Morning and evening. Silver and Trinity both had long naps this afternoon so we decided to go to the evening service.

I danced both services as well. I used to hear God's voice speaking pretty clearly everytime I danced in a service. I learned discernment slowly and painfully over the course of my 3 years spent in Kamloops. I still feel pretty in'tune with Jesus while dancing. Just not like before.

Today I was thinking a lot about the people. I have to say that I felt like there was a wall between myself (the dance) and the people.Part of the was me. I'm just not as much of a risk taker anymore. I used to be all about breaking my boxes open and always trying new things. Wanting desperately to touch Jesus, see a new side of him and then represent that to the body.

I've also been thinking about what part of the body I am. I mean as if the church was an actual body. I have always kind of thought.....feet. Because of the dancing thing and all. But I just realized that's not it. Feet are very important don't get me wrong. They help us get around, move (like preachers and missionary's).

Dance is not (to me) about moving from point a to point b. No sir. It's different. Perhaps I would represent the muscle system. They are all over your whole body and are what cause us to move at all. I don't know, but I feel in some small way I need to figure out what 'part' I am both metaphorically and realistically.

I don't like this block I am feeling. Then again I have longed for it. Even asked God for it. To teach me and help me to mature in my gifting. I feel that inorder to do that and fulfill part of my calling I need to impart more to others. To teach those who would be hungry to learn. I love to teach.

Links

I finally added some links to my site. I actually had to do it twice so now I just want to get away from the computer....bye

A CHILD IS BORN

My sister had her baby today!!! It's a boy....Charlie! The little guy was 8 days over due.

This is a HUGE deal that she even had another baby. She has a brain tumor that cannot be removed because of where it is. And she had a hard time getting pregnant (with a miscarriage at about 3 months).

Also she has just recently discovered that there are stories of women who had the same tumor as her and it disappeared after they went through pregnancy! So if you praise Jesus, please praise him and ask him to heal her. Thanks Jesus for healing!!!

The flesh is weak.....

I have not been feeling well at all. I did get some pills from my doctor to aid with my problem but I can't tell if they are working or not yet.

Sometimes I feel so terrible I get really scared. I spend about 80% of my time feeling dizzy and nauseous. Nothing to me is much worse than feeling dizzy and light headed.

Today my head is pounding. I hate to sit and write about this. There are other things I could be writing about, but today I am a little overwhelmed with feeling like crap.

I will continue to press on, but it's pretty tough right now. I would lay in bed all day if I could. But I try to stay positive for my family and myself.

Carlie's BIG day!

Good news! Carlie and Jon got married yesterday! Yippie! It was very cool. I loved the small intimate setting. Carlie looked beautiful. Her dress was amazing! I will try to post pictures.

I hope everyone had a great weekend!

"Sometimes you wanna go where everybody knows your name.....dadada....and there always glad you came.."

The theme song from cheers. Anyway I've been thinking lately about friendship, well not just friendship exactly. I've been thinking about all kinds of relationships. People you smile and say "Hi" to on the street, then people you went to school with but never really got to know, the waitress at the restaurant you often eat at who usually gives you great service (except on an off day....which everyone has), Your father, siblings, children, and mate. All totally different relationships except one thing is fundamentally the same.....YOU! You treat different people differently because of the level of relationship.

I've been kickin around some thoughts.....trying to see into myself more. When I look at my past I see that at an early age I was never taught how to communicate some pretty important feeling. Love, the biggest one, anger.....what is a good way to express that? Humor.....one thing I feel I have some insight on. I try to respect other peoples boundaries. What is funny to me is terribly offensive to another. Now I realize that there will ALWAYS be SOMEONE who is offended in the world (with so many different kinds of people), but I just try to stay sensitive and not hurt others. I hate when someone has to suffer for a joke. I have too often in my life been burned by a "simple" joke. At the same time I am totally NOT uptight, very laid back in many ways.

What I guess I'm getting at with all this talk is that I've been burned a lot (I know we all have, but in truth some more than others). I learned early on to just make people happy, do what they want, excel and people will leave you alone. They won't ask questions (not that my parents ever did), and you can just be a face in the crowd.

Here is my struggle. There is a place in me (put there by GOD) that want to experience friendship in ways I have always run from. But up until a few months ago as much as I desired and attempted I just couldn't cross that line. I felt that I just couldn't open myself up. Now I am beginning to see some hope in myself. I think I CAN learn to grow relationships. I actually feel like there is something in me that is ready to come out. Im very sensitive....but I cover it up nicely with anything I can to avoid too much contact.

I see myself like an open wound that has been bandaged up for years and years, but has never healed and only gotten worse, infected and spread to the rest of my body. Now I have taken the bandages off (almost all of them) and exposed the disgusting mess for what it is. Therefore I have no choice but to deal with issues and begin the REAL healing process. So it begins.................

Seems I finally got this picture thing under control....

My little T-nut

And my little drummer boy

Hey I am trying out my new blog. Which was actually an accedent. I totally didn't mean to change the whole thing but oh well. I'm trying to figure out the picture thing....

Well I believe I have lost part of my mind today..........somewhere between Trinity SCREAMING in my ear and Silver playing the drums (hitting his sticks or hands on everything) all day. Silver is sleeping but Trinity is not. It seems someone has stolen her and replaced her with a robot baby who doesn't require any sleep.

Oh ya and she is almost walking...no seriously she is. She has been crawling for a while now and pulling herself up on the couch and chairs and whatever else happens to be around. So now she is stading agaisnt the couch turned away from it, totally hands free and trying to take steps! HELLO! She is a robot. She's not even 9 months old yet.

This morning I went to Value Village and found a Pseudeo Echo tape. If anyone out there knows who they are then you are truely VERY COOL indeed!

This was my FAVORITE band in the 80's and 90's. Listening to it right now makes me realize why I liked them so much. There music is totally about the drummer!

All the songs are pushed completely by the drums. Anyway Silver LOVES it too! Trinity doesn't seem to mind either.

I have a huge pain in the neck! It's frigin killing me. Ryan was out of town for two days and I had to carry Trinity around a lot (she's sick). So now my neck hurts. Silver and myself are also sick.....sore throats, stuffy........

Ryan is out at another performance. I want to scream (if my throat didn't hurt so much).

On the brighter side of things it looks like we have found a house to rent already! We haven't seen it yet but it sounds great. I can't wait to get out of this hell hole we presently live in. (excuse the language but we really don't like this place).

O.K if I have to say "NO" to Silver one more time today I just might explode.....well while writing this sentence I have had to say no 3 times. I need a good long hot bath, an hour to myself out side of the house, and one solid nights sleep.

This is a little of what Jann Arden wrote in her last journal entry (she has an on line journal.) She seem very cool...........

"Be careful to judge others. You are only judging yourself. When you point a finger, you do indeed have three pointing back at yourself. Be not mean spirited, it will steal your sleep. Cruelty is meaningless. It ruins the world. It hurts us all. Know that your words are the most powerful tools you will ever possess. You can build and restore with them, or destroy and humiliate. The choice to me always seems clear. I always do the best I can. And when I don't, I try again harder the next time. I forgive you. I hope you can forgive me."


jann