So tired......................The only thing that keeps me going these past few days is the knowledge that Ryan will be done school tuesday! So I won't e complaining about how Ryan is in school anymore. I'm sure you're all happy about that.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SILVER! My little honey is now 2! He has been learning so many new things every day. It's so amazing to watch kids grow and develop. He still doesn't speak clearly enough for me to understand what he is saying most of the time but it will come soon. Today we made cookies. Silver just loves to help me bake.

Gotta run Trinity needs me.

I've tried to update a few times already today. I hope I can finally post something. hummmm lets see. My hair is so greasy and it smells. I need a bath.. hey not a bad idea. I think I will have one. SO this post won't be very long.

I was asked to dance at a banquet this monday night and I accepted. It scares me to death but Im going to do it. I asked Kristi to join me. I've wanted to work with her on something so this is a perfect oppourtunity to do that. I still haven't heard the song but Im not worried about that. I m worried about my body. I've haven't done much dancing in a long time and I actually dont think any of my dance clothes will fit right now.

Ryan only has three school days left! I want to scream for joy!

Let's talk about the perfectionist side of me. A few days ago a friend of mine and I made a lemon pie. It was so tart we all almost shriveled up when we ate it. So today I had to make another pie just to prove to myself that I could make one that tasted just right.

I made the pie and I have somehow eaten half of it myself. HELP! Ryan has been gone all day,(and he is now stuck at work) so I have entertained myself with eating. Oh well I guess I should just stop making pies.

Kristi..Silver's birthday is the first of december. He will be TWO. wow.

Christmas is comming the goose is getting FAT! (that's a song, if anyone is wondering). We put up our christmas tree on the weekend. We didn't want to put it up until after SIlvers birthday but I just wanted to get it up. Just to get in the mood I guess.

Ryan only has ONE WEEK of regular school left! Then just exams and work! YIPPIE! I think we are really going to enjoy christmas this year. After all this suffering, not seeing each other very much. Now we will get to hang out and do stuff together for a month!

So all the comercials for survivor look awesome! I can't get it off my mind. Don't forget all you survivor fans that it is on WEDNESDAY this week and not thursday! Looks like Jon is going home, but who knows.

That's all I have for today, I've been trying to write this for about an hour. Silver sure does keep me on my toes!

I'M a SURVIVOR.....lalalalala...... it's safe to say I am obsessed with survivor. I just think it's like watching a study on personality types. And as each show comes and goes you get to see how the same personalities make the same mistakes. It's fascinating really!

I actually looked at my ass in the mirror today naked. It was frighting. I now have the classic mommy butt. I can't even explain more than that, it's just a mommy butt! So now I am a little more focused on getting my butt (and the rest of my body) into shape. Its wierd because, I've noticed that I totally use food as a comfort. I've never really done that before. But I totally understand how eating makes some people feel good and comforted. Thats me! It's going to be hard to kick. But once I get focused (which the image I saw in the mirror has helped me do) I should be able to whip this body into shape.

icy storms have come to rest
my soul, it stands so still
what once was hot like flames of fire
no longer, has the will

thats interesting......hummmm. That just came out

Update..shmupmate.

So here it is...Ryan is going to be an actor. He is going to finnish his degree but at the same time do as much acting as possible and then one day in about 5 years or so he would like to go to southern ontario and try to get into some theatre there. It seems a little strange but yet it seems so right. Ryan is quite gifted at theatre and really enjoys it. I have no problem with this. I think its awesome. Of course it would be great to have one of us working a full time job and bringing in some amazing cash but hey who really needs a bunch of money anyway. I mean really, we have everything we need to live quite happy lives. Although I long deep down in side to own our own home one day I can wait. So it looks like I will beable to go to school in the next few year. Im thinking travel and tourisum. That way we can also travel and see the world a little cheaper.

there clark i updated

ahhhh it was good to get to church! I love to worship. but i did really have to press in and try hard to focus. its been awhile since i worshiped in a corporate setting. i loved it. next sunday night i will not bring trinity so it might be a little easier.

I was reminded of some old hurts that i have experienced in the past, and just some stupid crap that ryan and i had to go through. its funny because as hurt as i was and as wierd as some situations where im totally fine. really...... being hurt by other humans sucks but i really feel like it is always important to deal with stuff like that before it overtakes you. its just not worth it. thinking again about hurts that i havent thought about in a very long time made me realise how free i am from it all. how really whole i feel on a deep level. dont get me wrong i dont think ive totally arrived and i am totally a complete person (who is really?) but I just realised how good i feel about where i am in my growth as a person. Ive been through some crap and am a much better person for it. god always knows what hes doing.....

When your not in the habit of getting out, or having to be places at certain times its hard to do. Because my life is so much about babies and being home, and alot of repeditive behaviour (like preparing meals, and washing clothes), that its hard to break out of that routine even for a few hours. Last week I fully intended to get to homegroup. I thought about it all day, looking forward to adult conversation and just seeing other humans. Then all of a sudden it was 6:15 and I stil didn't have clean clothes on, i was in the middle of making supper, then Trinity got very upset and I had to get her calmed while Ryan gave Silver a bath..........bla bla bla... you get the picture. Needless to say I didn't go to home group. But this week will be different! Ryan got sunday off of work so I could go to the night church service! Im really excited. I am going to plan the day a bit better so that I can actually get out of the house and there on time.

Other than all that Ryan is still away alot but we are focused on the holidays. When Ryan is done school and we go to Bermuda for chirstmas! AAHHHHHHHHH YYYYAAAAAAAAA! it's going to be sweet. God is GOOD!