I need to stop blogging for a while...................maybe even a long while.I have other things that need my attention right now. I don't like what some of the world of blogging and computers has become to me. I just think I'm going to keep a written journal again for a while. That excites me.

Voices speak
Voices tell
Voices comfort insecure well

insecure you
insecure me
insecure people often flee

People say
People do
People hear the tales you spew

Tales hurt
Tales pain
Tales of your perspective strain

Love hurts
Love heals
Love is at times all she feels

I feel.....I can't find the words to explain. My ache is still bothering me and they still don't know what it is. So that weights on my mind a lot.

Trinity has needed a lot of attention today which has worn me out.

I'm still getting people together for a dance. I love it because I am very excited but it's been a major push for me. I'm not used to having anything to do, so I feel like my mind is being trained again.
It's such a God thing, I know that he wants dance and just visual worship to get going in our church. Sometimes I have found that when God calls something to action he opens the gates and it's all easy and smooth. Other times it's a push. I'm feeling the push.

Why are some humans so selfish? I mean don't get me wrong I've had my moments...plenty but I am still amazed when I witness someone being TOTALLY self centered.

I've been reminded lately of how the road of maturity is a LONG and hard and never ending one. We work hard to learn one thing then there's another, and then something else. Then we forget somethings and have to go through the pain of learning them again. I hate that.

One of the best things I ever heard was from Todd Atkinson (a preacher, missionary, and man of GOD). He preached on living in the desert. And how to look for the oasis in the desert. If it wasn't for the hard times what would we learn. We would be weak minded people. We will only experience the suffering of Christ on earth. It is the only part of God that we will not experience in heaven. So lets embrace it now while we can.

Both of my kids are sleeping! This is crazy. They both fell asleep just in time for SURVIVOR! Awesome.

Today I went to breathe for the first time in like a year. It was great to go. I wish I could go more often but now with Ryans job and the play I don't think I'll be going much of anywhere the next few weeks. Funny thing is I'm totally cool with that. Because he is finally doing something that he REALLY wants to. So for the next few months its cool if he's away a lot. Just not too much!

I see my doctor again tomorrow to figure out what this ache is that I've had for months. I received some awesome prayer about it today. So I'm wondering what the doctor will say.....

That's all its late...I'm wondering why the heck Ryan isn't home yet...

Trinity is crawling! She started a few days ago. She can basically go where ever she wants. I can't believe she is almost 7 months now. I'm really enjoying her more and more everyday.

There have been some really stressful times this past 6 months and I feel like I haven't really been able to just chill and enjoy my children. That makes me sad. It's been a long road learning to work through some major hard times. But God has taught us a lot!

We are taking it easy this next year. Ryan is going to take some time off school and be home more often. I'm going to pursue some of my dreams. And we are going to spend more time together as a family and a couple.

We just had this revelation that if we have chosen this lifestyle then we can choose a different one. Why are we choosing to hardly see each other? So who cares if it takes Ryan an extra year to finish school? SO what! This next year of just chillin could prove to be the smartest thing we've ever done!

I just finished writing 3 emails and now my brain feels like mush!

RYAN GOT HIS FIRST ACTING JOB!!!! THEY LOVED HIM! SO HE WILL BE IN A PLAY THAT HAS PRODUCTIONS THROUGHOUT THE SUMMER. AND HE'S GONNA GET PAID! WHAT A GREAT GUY!

It's such a great thing! I'm so proud of him and it has helped with his confidence in acting as well.

Also CONGRATS to CLARK on her news! She's a mommie!!!!! I'm sooooooooooooooooooooooooo excited. She's going to be a great mom!

Well Silver is doing much better. He has a huge cut in his mouth and his whole right side of his face is swollen. He looks like a different kid. But he is taking it all very well. He doesn't even seem to notice today! He's CRAZY!

About an hour ago SIlver smashed his face into one of our chairs. He hit it really hard.

I remember lots of screaming and blood.....lots of blood. His whole mouth was full of blood. I got a towel wet with cold water and tried to put it on his mouth and lips. I freaked.

Then Trinity fell and freaked her self out and she was SCREAMING. I was alone with no car...... I tried to call Ryan but he wasen't answering his phone. So I had to call 411 to get the number for Starbucks (Ryan was working).

Silver was in my arms still crying and crying. FInally I got Ryan on the phone......"Ryan, you have to come home. Silver is bleeding and Trinity is screaming. NOW!"
It seemed to take him forever to get home. It actually took about 15 minutes.

So they are at the hospital and Im sitting here just trying to relax. I CAN'T calm down. My poor baby had so much blood in his mouth. I know he's alright, but we just want to find out where the blood is comming from. And if he knock any of his teeth badly.

My little monkeys are being very quiet this morning. I've actually had time to think and email some people.

I've been very inspired this week. Inspired by what you ask...EVERYTHING! Or at least it feels like everything. I had coffee with a friend this Monday and it was great. We have been trying to get together for months and it finally worked out. It was nice to just sit and talk and relax.

Oh Silver is getting crazy I gotta go...

Some days make it impossible to post. Actually MOST days!

This morning Ryan is gone to school early to finish some projects he's a little behind on. Then he has to go back to school tonight to do some volunteering to get his credits. So yet again we don't really get to see each other much. It sucks but I'm getting used to it.

I've been trying to blog now for 3 hours.forget it.

Almost everytime I find myself in a worship service I picture the same scene in my mind. (not for the entire service, but for a piece of it always)

There I am ...... Standing TALL and straight. On my toes (in point shoes), almost floating. There's a wind blowing,strong (but not too strong) and warm. I m usually wearing a very 'pretty' dress. With lots of light flowing layers of material. (lately I've been in a very pinky mood)

Then totally out of nowhere HE appears and sweeps me off my feet. It's Jesus. The one I've been waiting on, singing to, longing for.

CHECK THIS OUT....... 'my Jesus' (the one I picture in my head) is wicked cool. He's wearing a suit. But not a stuffy business suit, or a tacky 70's one. No way. It looks like something James Bond would wear. Like a sharp black velvet suit that allows him to move and dance freely.

He grabs me and we dance. It's amazing...we spin, flip, float.........he twirls me and I don't get dizzy. It feels like we are one person. In all our wild moves we never lose contact. Incredible.

Lover of my soul

Father

Friend

King

My heart

I 'm dancing with all of them. I don't want to just dance FOR Jesus, I want to dance WITH him. ALWAYS

Well Yvonne strikes again! She helped me fix my picture problem. THANKS!

Today I had a bit of a meltdown...... First just let me say that I pretty sure I'm PMSing (for the first time in about a year and a half).

Silver has been nutty all day and just before bed time when he was disobeying me for the 100th time..... I just snapped. He grabbed the liquid tylenol (I had just given Trinity some as she was VERY upset with teething pain), and dumped it on the ground before I could get to him.

I actually let out a little scream. It was like a high pitched girlie scream. I was just soooo frustrated. Silver screamed back and Trinity started to cry. It was an extremely intense moment. I calmed myself enough to calm Silver and Trinity, but my chest felt tight. It still does actually.

Anyway I'm still trying to relax. Ryan is just plain gone too much. Working 4 nights a week is just too much for us.....too much for me. Man what a bad night. I feel like a horrible mother.

ok well I did have it working. But now I need to try again!

Holy smokes I DID IT! WOW that was cool. I finally figured it out. I love learning new things. Altogether it probably took me 3 1/2 hours just to put comments on and these three pictures! CRAZY!

O.K so I got the pictures to show now but they're all blurry. I will keep working on it. Until I figure this out sorry about the blurry pictures.

I cant figure out how to get the pictures to show
Help

Hi everyone. Sorry its been so long. I've been messing around with my blog. Its going to take a while until I get it how I want it. I'm just learning as I go.

I took these pictures with our digital camera a few days ago. Man digital cameras ROCK!

The sculpture is one I made for my husband about a year ago. I tired to get pictures of a few others I have done but they are so small its hard to get a clear picture of them.