It's a beautiful day in the neighbourhood, a beautiful day for a nieghbour. Would you be mine? Could you be mine? I have always wanted to have a neighbour just like you, I've always wanted to live in a neighbourhood with you soooooo. Let's make the most of this beautiful day. Since we're together we might as well say, would you be mine, could you be mine, woun't you be my neighbour. Woun't you please, woun't you please? Please woun't you be my neighbour?

For those of you who don't know yet Mr. Rodgers died two days ago. This has been my tribute to him...........

Good evening......who am I saying good evening too? I have no idea. I am going to sleep very soon. For the first time in probably two years Ryan has gone to sleep before me! WOW. It is strange.

Yvonne...YES Barbie's! For some sick reason I like them. Well I like the special edition ones, like Swan Lake Barbie and stuff like that. They are totally pointless and stupid and I will probably never own any but if I had cash to blow on something stupid you just might find me in the pretty pink Barbie isle.

Kristi I totally know who you are! Will you be at church on sunday? I'd like to talk to you a bit about dancing.

Alright that's it. I have no deep thoughts, or even shallow thoughts (well all that Barbie talk was pretty shallow i guess). Chow

Wow I am totally frustrated.... this is the third time I have tried to blog but my explorer keeps shutting down. Just a little annoying. BILLS BILLS BILLS. Sometimes I get really sick of living in the cycle of life. You know all the day in day out stuff that we humans must do to survive. Eat, sleep, work, bla bla bla. Not that I should complain about working I only work twice a month. Actually I wouldn't mind working a little more but probably not until the summer. I still don't totally feel up to it.

Kristi ..... Give me your blogging address so I can get to know you a little. And hey about your dream.....Was the baby healthy? Just wondering.....

Yvonne... I actually tried to blog yesterday but the system was down. So I am not totally slackin....

God has been totally blessing us (Asusual). He has been so faithful with money. We will have enough to pay bills and rent and food. What more do we need? It feels so good to be able to have all the bills payed off. Of course we still have debt but we are paying that off. AHHHHH! I always forget how awesome it feels to actually do what the Lord asks. He knows what we need, what do we know? If it was totally up to me I would spend all of our money on easy bake stuff, or getting all the coolest barbies and other pointless toys. But God knows we should pay bills and eat. He is so smart. Alright I am tired...can you tell.

I had a shower! WOW. I figured I should since I have to work today......It is totally strange to go to work only twice a month. I have been feeling better lately so I think that I will see if I can get more hours. Maybe just one more short shift a week.

Trying to be creative with food it's not as easy as it seems. We are really focusing on paying of our credit cards so we are being VERY careful about spending money. Not that we arn't ALWAYS pretty careful. Now.....no more yummie coffee's, or donuts. Stuff like that. We can do it..... well God can do it! Money money money......What a blessing and a curse.It's totally wierd but today I feel totally able (for the first time in my life) to control myself in spending. God really has given me strength for this totally OUT OF THE BLUE! It's crazy. But I know that God will give us enough money. period. We just have to honour that and do with it what he wills.

One of the dangers of having a lot of money is that you may be quite satisfied with the kinds of happiness it can give and so forget you need of God. C.S.Lewis

Can you tell I am totally on this major C.S. Lewis thing?

So when was the last time I had a shower? Hummmmmmm....two maybe three days ago? Yuck. Oh well it's not like I get out very often anyway. I have been reading a bit of my C.S Lewis index. He says some awesome things. Such as this

"Worship and praise church services are merely an attempt at, never fully successful; only a dim reflection of how it will be in Heaven"

Wow totally true. That quote gives me hope in someway. It makes me want to try even harder to really worship extravagantly. Think of the best worship service you have been apart of, and multiply that (the colour, melodies, voices, expression, art, etc) a thousand times and you woun't even be close. We all know we should express more of our love, honour, respect, friendship, etc to God. So imagine if you actually did it! Imagine if for just 2 minutes everyone in a corporate worship service busted out and worshiped with no boarders. Actually that thought scares me a little. But it would be amazing.

O.K so here is what he said......."Hey Alexandra, LISTEN more often"! Alright I have desided that Silver (My seed) is a total crazy person. When he is not screaming he is running like a nut around the house, or pulling at my leg to pick him up or he spends his time dancing, playing the drum, singing or eating anything he finds on the floor. Somedays these things are amusing but mostly (latley) they are driving me up the wall. PATIENCE. Even now he screams!

If I some how manage to make it through this next year I will be a much stronger women.

Today the Lord says LISTEN.........so here I go.....listening...................

Good day! We had some visitors today. A couple and there little boy from Thunder Bay. They brought us a box of yummie stuff from my family. It was great to be blessed. Ryan has the entire week off school. This is very exciting. I love having him home in the day. Silver loves it too. I triedto make chocolates last night but I wasn't really in the mood so I don't know if they worked out or not. I never even tried one. Lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala. I am very excited about getting a house. We figure we will find one and be in by May or June. It is so hard for me to contain my excitement about it. I am totally temped to start looking at houses already but I really just want to wait until we have the go ahead from the financial guy. But it will be soon. This blog needs to end soon (I can hear you yawning). bye

To update or not to up date that is the question. Most of the tme I find up dating like a chore. But if you have been keeping up with my posts then you already know that I have alot of spare time...... well actually I don't. I DO spend endless hours in my house but I am usually playing with Silver, watching Silver, feeding Silver, kissing Silver's ouchy's, watching important television like Blues clues or Dr.Phil. I had the T.V on this morning and I looked over at Silver and he was staring at the t.v with his tounge hanging out of his mouth! I turned it off. The last thing I want is a child who doesn't even care what he watches just as long as the t.v is on. It is hard some days to turn the monster off (the t.v) but I am becoming stronger. The problem is finding things to replace it. I tend to do stuff on the computer when the t.v is no longer on, but really what's the difference? It's hard to pick up a book and read. I have to mostly keep my eyes on the kid so it's almost impossible to get really into a book and take in what I am reading. So I do the dishes, make bread and other things. I sometimes forget how important the time I spend, and how I spend it, with my kids will effect them there whole lifes. I want my kids to experience the things I did when I was little. Silly stuff like, decorating easter eggs, having heart shaped cookies on valentines day to bring to school for everyone, having GREAT costumes on hollowe'en, all the special cakes and cookies we only got at christmas...... all the little details that my mother (mostly) and my father blessed us with. Creating good happy memories for my children, because they woun't always be kids and they will remember..... hopefully with a smile. :)

I actually spent the whole day yesterday (well about 4.5 hours of the day) making petits fours. They are little cake thingswith jam and yummie icing and then covered with almond paste and chocolate. Any way I was just so happy to have something to do. I am totally crazy. I love to get out of the house but at the same time I HATE it. Sometimes it is GREAT to wear my pj's all day and just hang with Silver, then other times I fell like I will actually explode if I don't see something besides these walls. I realize that most of you will not be able to connect with me in this. Pretty much everyone I know is so over worked or busy with life that they have no idea what it feels like. I am really trying to find a middle ground. I have noticed how much happier, relaxed, and even carefree when I have something to do. Or if I get out. Ryan and I went to eat out (we had gift certificates) and it was amazing. Just a simple meal, someone waiting on us, and some relaxed conversation totally revived me for like a week. I find myself dreaming (ALL THE TIME) about the future....... about how great it will be when Ryan is done school, the kids are older, we have some spare money. I daydream about it all the time. I haven't desided if daydreaming like that is good or bad? What do you think? I feel that it is a blessing that I even have that to look forward too. Alot of people just live day to day with no major dreams or life changes to look forward to. God has blessed us so much. It's amazing. This was a series of incomplete thoughts..... I don't even know if I am capable of a complete thought.

There are times in my life when I have thought I was deep. I felt I was more full of expression than any other human on earth. Well I'm not. While I feel that I am somewhat multilayered, at the same time I look at my life and all the things I do to show that I am more than two dimentional...... can't think of much. Actually perhaps that is the problem, I think too much. As much as I detest those people who go through life just doing whatever they want, not really paying much attention to others, manners, protocol, you know that stuff, I also envey them. They don't worry much about failure, making a mistake, hurting someone, because they don't notice. They don't notice because they don't notice when it happens to them. They drift through life like in a dream..... wait .... do these people really exsist or have I just made them up? Perhaps I have fabricated them to make myself feel better. Because if these sort of humans do exsist then I can look at myself and think "well I might have problems but at least I am not like THEM"! I realize that this will not even make sense to most. But it makes sense to me.... I have just learned something about myself, something about "my" perspective of life, and people. I need to see without my eyes. I always talk about living in REALITY and how I notice that every person has there own reality. I long to live and be apart of the Lords reality. What does he see? He see's the heart. I see the outside shell of life. He sees the heart of it, he is the heart of it. Let me be in his heart then.

Well I feel very crazy today. My emotions are out of control. I forgot how nuts being pregnant can make you! Oh well it doesn't last forever. I feel nuts about the fact that I eat nothing. I am going to eat plain pasta (again). It makes me sick even thinking about it. But it's better than starving. Well I've got to get ready for home group chow.

Alright I desided that I could be a little more exciting than that last blog. Well I am going to try....... Today was the GREAT 50% off sale at Value Village. We got some really great deals. I found Silver this really great stacking toy that he seems to love for a buck! I love getting great deals. Yesterday we were all totally blessed when we got a huge suit case full of awesome stuff from Sue (my mother in-law). She got us some great stuff from old navy (a GRRREAT store). It is so nice to be blessed like that for no reason at all. I try to remember that and do it for others. I haven't read my bible on my own in forever..... about a week or so ago I finally opened my bible and read this...
Joshua 22:5
Only be very careful to observe the commandment and the law which Moses the servant of the Lord commanded you, to love the Lord you God and walk in all His ways and keep His commandments and hold fast to Him and serve Him with all your heart and with all your soul.

Well I thought, that says it all. I felt the Lord saying... "watch it, you have been very lazy and you need to get back on track quick."
TRUE. So I am slowly trying to make getting together with the Lord a daily thing. I have heard about this for years but I have never really experienced it. To spend time with Jesus everyday. I know once I get this discipline down it will really change me. I long to be filled with Love and peace, and to just become a better friend of Jesus. How exciting!

Alright Silver and I are going to make some molds of his hands.Chow!

So it's been awhile, I know but really who reads this crap anyway? Today was a very good day. Church was great! Silver had an awesome time playing with the kids in the nursery, and he actually had a nap today! YA! God has really been speaking to me lately about letting people bless me with there friendship. Also to learn to bless others. It's not easy I am not good at making friends but I am willing to try now. God told me I have to. I am tired and this is boring. Good night!